A veteran Tokyo cabbie shares his war stories...
The cab as love hotel
Most of the time, couples are able to hold it in until they get to their destination. But in reality, love hotels fill up on weekends, so it’s common for couples to “do it” in the taxi. The driver’s blind spot is the seat behind him, so that’s where they start. These couples seem to think that the driver is as nonexistent as air. For some reason, I more frequently see women going down on the man than I see the man and the woman kissing each other. And I’m not sure if women have become stronger in this day and age, but it’s mostly the women who start going down on the man, rather than the man trying to convince the female.If a couple says “Sorry” as they pay their fare and leave the cab, that’s a dangerous sign because there’s a high possibility that they’ve left a little “souvenir” in the backseat. There is nothing as pathetic as having to clean that up.
“Stop by at the conbini, please”
So one day, a 20-year-old guy asks me to stop at a nearby Lawson when we’re about ¥5,000 into his ride. He leaves his bag in the car and is gone for five minutes, then ten. Just as I start to get suspicious, he comes back and says the ATM was out of order and, apologizing for the wait, hands me an energy drink. I thought, “What a nice guy!” With that, we start up a conversation, and he tells me how his bag is a limited-edition release that cost him over ¥100,000.As we get closer to his destination, he asks to stop at another conbini, and he leaves his bag in the car again. I wait for ten minutes, then 15. No sign of him. The meter has gone up to ¥11,900. Getting worried, I go out and search the conbini. There’s no trace of him—he had run off. Of course, I had to pay the fare myself, but I decided it wasn’t all that bad because I could put the man’s bag up for sale on an internet auction as soon as I got home.Later, just as I was about to leave the locker room for the day, I saw my co-worker with the same bag.“Wasn’t that expensive?” I asked.“No way,” he replied. “It’s from the ¥100 shop. Oh, look you have one, too. Isn’t it useful?”
The diaper issue
I was driving a woman on a long ¥10,000 ride, part of which was on a crowded highway. I had to go to the bathroom so bad that I had sweat dripping down my forehead. I knew I couldn’t hold it anymore and something needed to be done.I checked on the young woman in the back and, confirming that she was asleep (thank goodness!), I took out a plastic bag that I always have at hand for drunk customers and slowly unzipped my pants. Phew. Later during the ride, I opened the door a crack to drop the bag on the street. When I looked in the rearview mirror, the woman was still sleeping—mission accomplished!Actually, not. As the lady was getting out, she smiled and said, “Life’s pretty difficult for drivers, isn’t it?”After that I went to buy diapers at the supermarket, where I ran into a co-worker who told me, “Once you start using them, you get hooked. Try it out!” Since that day, though, I have not had occasion to use them. I don’t want to start relying on diapers…
(From: Metropolis, issue #756)
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